Long-distance flights, and maybe gay italians

Well, we did it.

My friend from Orcas Island (who keeps his flip phone in a microwave and almost exclusively emails me peter thiel documentaries) sent me this 4 hours before my flight.

If I get blown up, consider this newsletter a collector’s item…

This is the first official newsletter and I’m grateful to have you on here. I have friends from all chapters of life subscribed:

Some chapters we choose, and others happen to us. Most fall in-between. Have you ever had a long-term plan work? I don’t think I ever have.

Here’s my favorite example:

My first ever relationship was on the rocks during the latter half of college, and I thought, what better way to spice it up than an Alaskan cruise in mid weather?

We booked it for six months in advance, which is like getting mail delivered to a house about to be demolished.

We broke up weeks later, and I bought her ticket back because it was my idea. Now I had to find someone else to go, because of course, I bought non-refundable.

I asked my mom and sister but they were both busy. I ended up going with one of my best friends and we got the unlimited drink package (which was actually 15 per day, not unlimited, as we found out).

The cruise was a blast and by the end we decided to live together in LA. Without the breakup, the unlimited drink package, and the new future roommate, my path could have looked completely different than it does now.

Half planned, half happens to you.

I was nervous as fuck at the airport this morning. I rented the Bob Dylan movie on YouTube but forgot to download it. So I spent the first 30 minutes of the flight figuring out how to pirate it on the airplane Wi-Fi because the YouTube app was blocked.

Then I swiftly fell asleep with my mouth open, catching residual cough spray from everyone from first class back to economy.

Falling asleep on long flights is strategic. Fall asleep at the wrong time and you'll miss dinner (or breakfast? It's hard to tell.)

I woke up and the dude next to me had scrambled eggs but it was 3 a.m. in Seattle and Noon in Munich, our destination, so I guess they split the difference.

I successfully ordered a double espresso in Munich and boarded my flight to Albania.

I landed in Albania and walked past three dudes in official yellow taxis until I was approached by a tatted up larger guy asking if I needed a ride. I showed him the Airbnb address and said I would pay €20 to take me, a figure I got from Claude.

We walk across the parking lot and get into an unmarked car, probably his personal one. I sat down in the passenger seat and it had one of these.

Two minutes into the drive he says, "Driving in Albania is crazy, bro. People will just cut you off." I then took the alarm silencer out of the seatbelt clicker and put my actual seatbelt on. I'm sure he thought less of me.

Immediately after he asks if I smoke. I asked, "weed or tobacco,” and he passed me a cigarette, saying it was the cigarette of Albania.

I was super nervous to get a speck of ash in his car. Meanwhile I was getting rained on by the blunt force of his cigarette. I probably don't need to visit Pompeii anymore.

A mistimed flick caused my cigarette ash to fly all over him but he had no reaction. I guess it's chill.

After ten minutes of a D3 tourist performance I found my Airbnb. Even doors work differently in Albania. There are four dead bolts and the doorknob doesn't twist.

I unpacked and found a nearby restaurant serving traditional Albanian food. I pointed at two things in the “traditional” section and ended up with lamb in yogurt and some potato cake thing. I’ll give it a 6/10.

By the way if you're rating something out of ten, you're not allowed to give it a seven because that's what everyone fucking does.

While ordering, I noticed the waitress taking my order on WhatsApp. She was texting the kitchen my order. I realized that utmost efficiency comes at the cost of character.

So what if an order gets messed up now and then? You're literally WhatsApping the chef the order, that's way more fun. Fuck the Toast tablet thing.

I joined an Albanian hostel group chat and met up with some Italian guys at an Irish pub.

I asked how they met and one of them said, "Well we fucked each other first and then became friends.”

I guess I had gotten in with some gay Italians.

But then the same guy said the same joke to some French people who joined us and followed up with "just kidding" after he didn't get a reaction. I still don't know if he was kidding.

Now I'm back at the Airbnb and about to nuke myself with Unisom (melatonin on steroids) and hoping I can get some sleep.

Until next time,

KB